Writing with Overflowing Emotions

I just heard my mom's laments, uncontentment and complains about how we're living our life. I've already heard every part of her side of the story since I was a kid but every time she tells it, there's a new addition to it that stirs my emotions too much that writing is my only escape like right now.

I want to cry because I'm hurting and it's too much to handle how my uncle, who I idolized for many years because he was always there to help especially with me having Bone Marrow Failure and all, is putting me and my family into the list of people who owes him gratitude to the grave. That as payment he wants to control our lives and our decisions. He tells everybody how he gelped us and the bad thing about it is he's exaggerating it.

I know and I admit we really owe him a lot but all I was thinking as payment for his helps for us is love and care for him until he grows old. That we will never leave him alone. That he is always part of our lives but it seems it isn't enough for him.

I feel like crying but I don't want to that it's making me feel dizzy. I love my uncle but with this new knowledge I don't know what to do. How to accept that I saw a false side of him. I believed in him. I still do but with what he' doing, I'm hurting. I truly am.

This is bad. When I get stressed, my tonsils/throat starts to hurt which means it'll swell again and it will cause my throat to bleed now and then. Effect of Bone Marrow Failure -low platelets, white blood cells and red blood cells. That's why I don't like arguments and talks because I easily get emotional and that's bad. Stress is really bad.

I'm trying to suppress my emotions right now because crying will do me a lot worse and besides, I don't like crying. I don't like feeling weak because when I do I starte to feel anger with myself again and I don't like it.

Oh, how I miss my friends who help me escape the world of stress even for a short period of time even only until the emotions are easier to handle. :(