arIt’s been a very long time since I’ve been fond of someone very much and the thing that’s wrong about me when I do is I love that the other also is fond of me and when I get frightened of being hurt, I lie low and try to control my feelings for him. The feeling is bad when I try to suppress it so I end up doing the same – continue being fond of the person very much as how I feel it but the thing is it always ends up that maybe the other will eventually get tired of me or that something comes up for him to suppress his feelings, too.
I know it’s a normal routine in reality but it’s depressing. And when I get depressed, I feel empty and very lonely and irritable. I’m drained from energy and even if I try very hard to hide it, I end up feeling like a hypocrite of what I’m truly feeling. I can’t wear a warm smile and I always feel tired.
I can’t write anything good today. So I end up reading and that’s fine with me but I still feel upset. I can only write until here today. This will take weeks again before I regain my enthusiasm or what they call moving on unless something unexpected happens.
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