There are many chances that people take for granted and most of the time; they focus on something or someone too much that everything around them is blurred out of their sight. Sometimes, it’s very hard to understand but in many situations, it’s because of the deals they make… promises and oaths and take chances with them. Some reach triumph out of what they did but some end up hurt because they expected too much and too long for something they took a risk from but still they feel fulfilled because they did it.
Why am I typing this? What is my point? Good question.
It’s because this time, I’m starting to risk something for someone I love. I made a deal with myself that I’ll go away and re-assess my life to be ready for him one day… the one dearest to my heart. It’s not a very good deal because I may only end up hurt when I find out that later, he’ll be happy with someone else but it’s a part of the deal. I need to start looking for myself as early as now.
Well, I’m still not sure if I do love him or if I do, if how much I love him. All I’m sure about is that he gave me little bits of advices and he’s striving hard as well as giving me the inspiration to live my life. To revive it. I thank him for that even though he doesn’t know it.
He’s a very good friend to me. I grew very fond of him but I think I’m going too far with my closeness with him that’s why I need to go away for the meantime. As I said, to get ready if ever someday we’ll be able to see each other again or if we’ll still be friends or have communication after I leave. I’m not sure if he won’t forget me and our friendship right now but I’m hoping deeply here within my heart that he will. I hope he also feels the same way.
I told him, I’ll be going away soon.
“Go then. Goodbye,” he said but he didn’t look back at me and I didn’t know if he meant it or if he was upset about it.
I don’t know if I am able to go back here in this place where we met after I fly back to our home country but I hope that when we see each other again, he’ll still be the same and we’ll still have fun together.
At his young age, I admire him for trying to be mature when he’s with me. And he doesn’t even need to try acting mature because he does his part well.
I will certainly miss the way we play around like little kids. The way we miss each other and talk about each other often when one of us isn’t around. The way I care for him. The way he appreciates everything I do without sarcasm or hypocrisy. The way he played the piano while I listened intently while my heart was melting with warmth whenever he was with me and sadness because soon I won’t be able to listen to him play again because I’ll be leaving. The way he laughs, tells jokes and sings… I will miss his voice. The way his gazes bore straight into my eyes and the way he watches my lips when I talk. I will miss a lot more things.
I’ve made up my decision and the deal.
I don’t need any promises from him because I already made one for us. I don’t know if he does care if I try to reorganize my life because of him but in the end, I know I’ll be gaining a lot from this.
For me in the past, Promises are meant to be broken but now it’s different. I trust this promise for many reasons and one reason is him. Thanks for the inspiration and memories and the memories that I hope we’ll still have in the future.
*Just another little bit of literary work from SiNgUrL.
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