My Art Journal

This is my attempt of an art journal about little women. I've written all the parts I liked and drew pictures connected witht them and I ended up with this.

I got this idea from Bunko blog - Quinceberry! Cool bloggers! You rock lol!

This was drawn and finsihed last Thursday but I only got it posted now because of some things that happened.

I haven't been in the net for many days and missed so many things but I got time to read and finish "Little Women" by Louisa May Alcott and "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" by Steig Larsson. Great novels! I didn't know that The Girl with the Dragon Tatto was a sequel.

Anyway, right now. I'm reading "The Lost Years of Jesus" by Mary Clare Prophet and "The Pillars of the Earth" by Ken Follet.

Breathe Cafe Website

Breathe cafe has a new website for your Online Literary Comsumption.

The link of the site is below:

http://breathe-cafe.yolasite.com/

I do hope you visit and enjoy it!

Emotions while Writing

I like writing but at times I hate what I write because it doesn't have emotions so I try to take in the right music or watch the right videos for what I was writing if I experience this annoying status.

But at times like right now while I was writing for my readers and not because I feel like writing chapter 19 of True Soulmate (my story), it's not what I expect. There's no emotion coming out of it at least for me. The words kept repeating themselves and I'm not contented but I need to write it for them. I don't want them to feel hanging waiting for the next chapters.

Emotions - the right ones- are very imprtant when I write but I'm not always on the right mood for it but I do try. I do.

Warmth Drainage

arIt’s been a very long time since I’ve been fond of someone very much and the thing that’s wrong about me when I do is I love that the other also is fond of me and when I get frightened of being hurt, I lie low and try to control my feelings for him. The feeling is bad when I try to suppress it so I end up doing the same – continue being fond of the person very much as how I feel it but the thing is it always ends up that maybe the other will eventually get tired of me or that something comes up for him to suppress his feelings, too.

I know it’s a normal routine in reality but it’s depressing. And when I get depressed, I feel empty and very lonely and irritable. I’m drained from energy and even if I try very hard to hide it, I end up feeling like a hypocrite of what I’m truly feeling. I can’t wear a warm smile and I always feel tired.

I can’t write anything good today. So I end up reading and that’s fine with me but I still feel upset. I can only write until here today. This will take weeks again before I regain my enthusiasm or what they call moving on unless something unexpected happens.

Over and Over Again (Soltera)

For the past first two weeks of July, I watched Harry Potter 1-5 over and over again and I couldn't stop until I watched this old Filipino movie entitled "Soltera" wherein one woman was single for six years (I think) after breaking up with his one true love and then bumped into this guy Eric who was 14 years younger than her. He courted her but their age stopped Sandra from giving him a chance but in the end they lived together because they fell in love.

Then months passed and they've noticed the hardships of having the relationship. Sandra was older and she tried to change him because she saw a better future for him that way but Eric was too young to understand. They end up quarreling and arguing.

Sandra decided to take a trip with her mom and sisters to the U.S. to be able to re-assess herself, feelings and priorities so she left Eric for the meantime. When she was gone, Eric invited Sandra's office assistant, who she treated as her younger sister, to the beach for a weekend outing and Eric and Lisa fell inlove. They were of the same age and were both young.

But Lisa fought back her feelings because she loved Sandra more (as a big sister and she couldn't betray or hurt her). Sandra came back and later knew about Eric falling in love with Lisa. Lisa gave her resignation letter because she couldn't work with Sandra anymore because of the guilt she felt from having been in love with Eric. Eric also left Sandra. They all separated ways and everything.

In the end, Sandra had a son from Eric, Lisa met and married someone else and Eric was planning his own wedding with a girl named Rachelle for the year to come. They were all happy.

I kept on thinking about the age thing. It was scary - I mean the one you love finding a more suitable partner for him when you already loved him very much. I couldn't help but pity Sandra but I admired her for her courage to move on and live happily with her son. That takes a lot of courage and optimism.

Happy endings are not always there but it still depends on how you work out a mistake or a failure like how Sandra learned. She was lucky to have a best friend that supported her and woke her up from thinking that everything was over after Eric left her. Friendship really helps. No man is an island.

I just hope it won't happen with me because right now there's this one boy who's just 12 who kept on telling me things a normal suitor of my age would say. I love his presence because he's warm. Anyway, he's just a kid and that won't ever change. He still has a different view from people older than him. I'll keep hanging out with him because he's a nice boy.

Writing with Overflowing Emotions

I just heard my mom's laments, uncontentment and complains about how we're living our life. I've already heard every part of her side of the story since I was a kid but every time she tells it, there's a new addition to it that stirs my emotions too much that writing is my only escape like right now.

I want to cry because I'm hurting and it's too much to handle how my uncle, who I idolized for many years because he was always there to help especially with me having Bone Marrow Failure and all, is putting me and my family into the list of people who owes him gratitude to the grave. That as payment he wants to control our lives and our decisions. He tells everybody how he gelped us and the bad thing about it is he's exaggerating it.

I know and I admit we really owe him a lot but all I was thinking as payment for his helps for us is love and care for him until he grows old. That we will never leave him alone. That he is always part of our lives but it seems it isn't enough for him.

I feel like crying but I don't want to that it's making me feel dizzy. I love my uncle but with this new knowledge I don't know what to do. How to accept that I saw a false side of him. I believed in him. I still do but with what he' doing, I'm hurting. I truly am.

This is bad. When I get stressed, my tonsils/throat starts to hurt which means it'll swell again and it will cause my throat to bleed now and then. Effect of Bone Marrow Failure -low platelets, white blood cells and red blood cells. That's why I don't like arguments and talks because I easily get emotional and that's bad. Stress is really bad.

I'm trying to suppress my emotions right now because crying will do me a lot worse and besides, I don't like crying. I don't like feeling weak because when I do I starte to feel anger with myself again and I don't like it.

Oh, how I miss my friends who help me escape the world of stress even for a short period of time even only until the emotions are easier to handle. :(

Job Interview with Mom

I went to my very first job interview (only for a part-time job actually) and I went with my mom. I thought it was a bad impression - very!

I am 20 turning 21 soon and I was applying for a part-time job as assistant teacher in a school and I went with my mom.

Seriously, I doubt I'll be accepted for the job though I still wish I will be given the chance for experience and extra income for me and my family.

But can you imagine someone getting their job interview with their mom? I think it's a bit odd and funny. And embarrassing when I thought about it. It was a wrong move. I forgot about it. I must've left her in the canteen if I remembered but it's too late for that now.

Wish me luck guys! I promise, I won't ever bring my mom with me during an interview. Ever!