Back to the Philippines

I've been here for more than two weeks already. I miss my kid friends in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia but it's okay since I have my friends here, too.

I'm disappointed at one of my adopted kids (that's what I call my kid friends in Jeddah who I really am fond of) because he didn't greet me on my birthday but it was okay. He's just a kid anyway.

I've been writing for nanowrimo lately and I've hit 50K words.

Here's my first summary of the story:

Amy Rose Cooper fell in love with her dad's new girlfriend, Elizabeth Lambert. She considered her and welcomed her in her life and treated her like she was her own true mom. When she suspected that her dad was seeing another younger woman, she did everything in her power to keep, Elizabeth together with her dad so she wouldn't lose another mom again.

Together woth her bestfriends, Apple Orcton and Ned Alexander Avinson, she was about to succeed in making her dad ask Elizabeth to marry him when Dominic Stowell enters the picture. Amy would fall in love with him deeply as he would fall in love with her making things more complicated because Dominic is Elizabeth's son.

Would she prefer losing Elizabeth for Nic or would it be the other way around? Could they continue working out a relationship without their parents knowing? Or would they just try to move on and forget how they truly love each other for the sake of their parents' happines.

Secrets revolve around the story which could end up tragically hurting Amy and the others.

***

I'm still writing the story and I'm half-way through it.

Thanks to all the encouragement of my friends and family.

Personalized Greeting Cards

I haven't been able to post anything new about what I did the past week(s) because I haven't got anything new but now that I have, I'm postin them now. I've made two personalized Greeting Cards.




One is a birthday gift for my friend and the other one, I just did out of overflowing happiness melting my heart so I'm posting a picture of the cards.


So as you can you see, the first picture above is the front page with a lock in it and if I open the lock (or actually flip it down - 2nd picture)... a secret message is revealed. That's the first surprise to it then when you open the card (as what you can see in the third picture)... the message in front saying "TREASURE TO KEEP" has its continuation on the inside so as to say that the poem written on the right side of the card on the third picture is to be kept "IN YOUR HEART".


I wrote the poem myself, which is dedicated to my dear friend Mikko. It's supposed to be my surprise birthday greeting card for him but I'm not sure if I shoul still give it or not because I don't want any fuzz/ misunderstanding on what the poem I wrote says.


Okay, the second card with the pictures below is the first card I'v made. It's starts with the front of course then you flip down the cover then you get the second picture. You flip that cover to the right then the next up then the next tot he left then voila! You get the whole card in the fifth card.


There are two messages in the card but both are personalized by MOIH! :)


Making cards is fun and I wonder if I'll be making Christmas cards to be sold by november. That would add an extra income for me while I enjoyed one of my hobbies.

A Risk to Take

There are many chances that people take for granted and most of the time; they focus on something or someone too much that everything around them is blurred out of their sight. Sometimes, it’s very hard to understand but in many situations, it’s because of the deals they make… promises and oaths and take chances with them. Some reach triumph out of what they did but some end up hurt because they expected too much and too long for something they took a risk from but still they feel fulfilled because they did it.

Why am I typing this? What is my point? Good question.

It’s because this time, I’m starting to risk something for someone I love. I made a deal with myself that I’ll go away and re-assess my life to be ready for him one day… the one dearest to my heart. It’s not a very good deal because I may only end up hurt when I find out that later, he’ll be happy with someone else but it’s a part of the deal. I need to start looking for myself as early as now.

Well, I’m still not sure if I do love him or if I do, if how much I love him. All I’m sure about is that he gave me little bits of advices and he’s striving hard as well as giving me the inspiration to live my life. To revive it. I thank him for that even though he doesn’t know it.

He’s a very good friend to me. I grew very fond of him but I think I’m going too far with my closeness with him that’s why I need to go away for the meantime. As I said, to get ready if ever someday we’ll be able to see each other again or if we’ll still be friends or have communication after I leave. I’m not sure if he won’t forget me and our friendship right now but I’m hoping deeply here within my heart that he will. I hope he also feels the same way.

I told him, I’ll be going away soon.

“Go then. Goodbye,” he said but he didn’t look back at me and I didn’t know if he meant it or if he was upset about it.

I don’t know if I am able to go back here in this place where we met after I fly back to our home country but I hope that when we see each other again, he’ll still be the same and we’ll still have fun together.

At his young age, I admire him for trying to be mature when he’s with me. And he doesn’t even need to try acting mature because he does his part well.

I will certainly miss the way we play around like little kids. The way we miss each other and talk about each other often when one of us isn’t around. The way I care for him. The way he appreciates everything I do without sarcasm or hypocrisy. The way he played the piano while I listened intently while my heart was melting with warmth whenever he was with me and sadness because soon I won’t be able to listen to him play again because I’ll be leaving. The way he laughs, tells jokes and sings… I will miss his voice. The way his gazes bore straight into my eyes and the way he watches my lips when I talk. I will miss a lot more things.

I’ve made up my decision and the deal.

I don’t need any promises from him because I already made one for us. I don’t know if he does care if I try to reorganize my life because of him but in the end, I know I’ll be gaining a lot from this.

For me in the past, Promises are meant to be broken but now it’s different. I trust this promise for many reasons and one reason is him. Thanks for the inspiration and memories and the memories that I hope we’ll still have in the future.

*Just another little bit of literary work from SiNgUrL.

Slacking

I haven't been able to finish the TNBBC Summer Challenge 2009 - my first reading challenge online. It was because I was torn up between reading, writing and everything I did in between. I didn't even make it to 250 points but I want to try again.

And these past two weeks, I haven't been able to write the remaining few chapters of my stories True Soulmate and Playing Pretend Book2. All these activities are in Goodreads.

I haven't even finished reading The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follet but I'm glad that there are only a little more than a few pages left in the last chapters and I'll be able to read Gideon and a novel by Amanda Quick soon.

I have been slacking, I know. But I did so many things, which are more important like having fun with playing with the kids (NOT MY CHILDREN, OF COURSE) etc. Anyway, I still have lots more time to read and write.

Well, what can I say, everybody has a life, right? :-b

Uselss Brat

I was thinking whether to write about this here on my blog because it's nothing about anything interesting in particular to anyone. Though this particular nothing matter is something that keeps me thinking over and over again and I thought maybe it was easier if I was just a computer to have typed the words "Forget it!" or "Stop! You're insane!" then click save and then I'll just forget it. Like a delete function in the brain.

Well, here's the thing. Again, the truth hit me right through my heart making me feel so upset.

I always thought that being a deputy of the kids' ministry will be an easy task. Yes, it is easy but there are certain things that get in the way.

1. I don't know what I'm doing because they don't tell me to do anything but to keep the kids quiet and behave.

2. I can't do anything because I have no authority whatsoever and making decisions about what the kids do is not my duty (and I'm not the kind that act out things that I'm not comfortable with or am sure of except if I was really in charge).

3. There are more things that get in my way and upset me that I can't do anything about.

And because of these things? I feel useless and I feel guilty about it because I can't blend in with the adults who take control of the ministry. I feel like "one of the kids" who I'm not because I'm of age! I'm 20 turning 21 this year!

I have been feeling guilty about being useless and it was confirmed by a kid. Of course, he didn't mean it that way but because I'm guilty of it. I took it seriously because it hurt my feelings (and my pride).

They were planning for a dance performance for the anniversary of our organization and they asked me to give some dance steps. I do have dance steps in mind because I have been in a dance troupe once but it was a long time ago but the fact is, they're kids... there are new steps which they're into right now and I'm not sure if they'll like whatI will suggest so I said I have no idea what to do.

And he said "Then what are you here for?".

That hit me right through so I walked out of the room and pretended to want to continue reading even if the truth was I couldn't concentrate on the words of what I read because what he said kept rewinding on my mind until now. :(

Me and My sister

Me and my loving sister.

At The Beach

I could also feel the sun's warmth bathing the people present here in the beach with smiles and enjoyment Different kinds of people all equal under the heat and the clouds.

Fresh ocean breeze brushing my skin and filling my lungs with healthy air and refreshment.

Down at the beach, everything is quite peaceful.

I was jealous of them bathing under the sun that day of Friday (Aug. 8, '09). I also wanted to have a swim but unfortunately, I was weak and dizzy that day. I couldn't bear the heavy wetness of the clothes that could've been soaked when I had a swim so I preferred now to go down there and enjoy the water because I knew I would feel beat after having a bit fun. And I knew I wouldn't last long when I took a dip.

I ended up enjoying the warmth from the sun, the cool breeze and watching a sketching a bit while having Lays potato chips as snack.

My Art Journal

This is my attempt of an art journal about little women. I've written all the parts I liked and drew pictures connected witht them and I ended up with this.

I got this idea from Bunko blog - Quinceberry! Cool bloggers! You rock lol!

This was drawn and finsihed last Thursday but I only got it posted now because of some things that happened.

I haven't been in the net for many days and missed so many things but I got time to read and finish "Little Women" by Louisa May Alcott and "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" by Steig Larsson. Great novels! I didn't know that The Girl with the Dragon Tatto was a sequel.

Anyway, right now. I'm reading "The Lost Years of Jesus" by Mary Clare Prophet and "The Pillars of the Earth" by Ken Follet.

Breathe Cafe Website

Breathe cafe has a new website for your Online Literary Comsumption.

The link of the site is below:

http://breathe-cafe.yolasite.com/

I do hope you visit and enjoy it!

Emotions while Writing

I like writing but at times I hate what I write because it doesn't have emotions so I try to take in the right music or watch the right videos for what I was writing if I experience this annoying status.

But at times like right now while I was writing for my readers and not because I feel like writing chapter 19 of True Soulmate (my story), it's not what I expect. There's no emotion coming out of it at least for me. The words kept repeating themselves and I'm not contented but I need to write it for them. I don't want them to feel hanging waiting for the next chapters.

Emotions - the right ones- are very imprtant when I write but I'm not always on the right mood for it but I do try. I do.

Warmth Drainage

arIt’s been a very long time since I’ve been fond of someone very much and the thing that’s wrong about me when I do is I love that the other also is fond of me and when I get frightened of being hurt, I lie low and try to control my feelings for him. The feeling is bad when I try to suppress it so I end up doing the same – continue being fond of the person very much as how I feel it but the thing is it always ends up that maybe the other will eventually get tired of me or that something comes up for him to suppress his feelings, too.

I know it’s a normal routine in reality but it’s depressing. And when I get depressed, I feel empty and very lonely and irritable. I’m drained from energy and even if I try very hard to hide it, I end up feeling like a hypocrite of what I’m truly feeling. I can’t wear a warm smile and I always feel tired.

I can’t write anything good today. So I end up reading and that’s fine with me but I still feel upset. I can only write until here today. This will take weeks again before I regain my enthusiasm or what they call moving on unless something unexpected happens.

Over and Over Again (Soltera)

For the past first two weeks of July, I watched Harry Potter 1-5 over and over again and I couldn't stop until I watched this old Filipino movie entitled "Soltera" wherein one woman was single for six years (I think) after breaking up with his one true love and then bumped into this guy Eric who was 14 years younger than her. He courted her but their age stopped Sandra from giving him a chance but in the end they lived together because they fell in love.

Then months passed and they've noticed the hardships of having the relationship. Sandra was older and she tried to change him because she saw a better future for him that way but Eric was too young to understand. They end up quarreling and arguing.

Sandra decided to take a trip with her mom and sisters to the U.S. to be able to re-assess herself, feelings and priorities so she left Eric for the meantime. When she was gone, Eric invited Sandra's office assistant, who she treated as her younger sister, to the beach for a weekend outing and Eric and Lisa fell inlove. They were of the same age and were both young.

But Lisa fought back her feelings because she loved Sandra more (as a big sister and she couldn't betray or hurt her). Sandra came back and later knew about Eric falling in love with Lisa. Lisa gave her resignation letter because she couldn't work with Sandra anymore because of the guilt she felt from having been in love with Eric. Eric also left Sandra. They all separated ways and everything.

In the end, Sandra had a son from Eric, Lisa met and married someone else and Eric was planning his own wedding with a girl named Rachelle for the year to come. They were all happy.

I kept on thinking about the age thing. It was scary - I mean the one you love finding a more suitable partner for him when you already loved him very much. I couldn't help but pity Sandra but I admired her for her courage to move on and live happily with her son. That takes a lot of courage and optimism.

Happy endings are not always there but it still depends on how you work out a mistake or a failure like how Sandra learned. She was lucky to have a best friend that supported her and woke her up from thinking that everything was over after Eric left her. Friendship really helps. No man is an island.

I just hope it won't happen with me because right now there's this one boy who's just 12 who kept on telling me things a normal suitor of my age would say. I love his presence because he's warm. Anyway, he's just a kid and that won't ever change. He still has a different view from people older than him. I'll keep hanging out with him because he's a nice boy.

Writing with Overflowing Emotions

I just heard my mom's laments, uncontentment and complains about how we're living our life. I've already heard every part of her side of the story since I was a kid but every time she tells it, there's a new addition to it that stirs my emotions too much that writing is my only escape like right now.

I want to cry because I'm hurting and it's too much to handle how my uncle, who I idolized for many years because he was always there to help especially with me having Bone Marrow Failure and all, is putting me and my family into the list of people who owes him gratitude to the grave. That as payment he wants to control our lives and our decisions. He tells everybody how he gelped us and the bad thing about it is he's exaggerating it.

I know and I admit we really owe him a lot but all I was thinking as payment for his helps for us is love and care for him until he grows old. That we will never leave him alone. That he is always part of our lives but it seems it isn't enough for him.

I feel like crying but I don't want to that it's making me feel dizzy. I love my uncle but with this new knowledge I don't know what to do. How to accept that I saw a false side of him. I believed in him. I still do but with what he' doing, I'm hurting. I truly am.

This is bad. When I get stressed, my tonsils/throat starts to hurt which means it'll swell again and it will cause my throat to bleed now and then. Effect of Bone Marrow Failure -low platelets, white blood cells and red blood cells. That's why I don't like arguments and talks because I easily get emotional and that's bad. Stress is really bad.

I'm trying to suppress my emotions right now because crying will do me a lot worse and besides, I don't like crying. I don't like feeling weak because when I do I starte to feel anger with myself again and I don't like it.

Oh, how I miss my friends who help me escape the world of stress even for a short period of time even only until the emotions are easier to handle. :(

Job Interview with Mom

I went to my very first job interview (only for a part-time job actually) and I went with my mom. I thought it was a bad impression - very!

I am 20 turning 21 soon and I was applying for a part-time job as assistant teacher in a school and I went with my mom.

Seriously, I doubt I'll be accepted for the job though I still wish I will be given the chance for experience and extra income for me and my family.

But can you imagine someone getting their job interview with their mom? I think it's a bit odd and funny. And embarrassing when I thought about it. It was a wrong move. I forgot about it. I must've left her in the canteen if I remembered but it's too late for that now.

Wish me luck guys! I promise, I won't ever bring my mom with me during an interview. Ever!

Organizing my Time

by SiNgUrL

I'm having a hard time organizing my time because it's difficult to adjust it against my mood of reading and writing.

I'm writing and reading both offline and online stories and I don't know how to organize the time. I also have a group which I'm moderating that I find hard to stay away from when I get started in one day. I even stopped my TNBBC 2009 Reading Challenge in Goodreads because of my unorganized time.

Then I applied for a job yesterday and that will consume my time again.

My conquest for time management begins. I need a diary to keep track of everything. I need a small journal notebook for an emergency writer's block and enough time to finish a book. My yearly goal is to read books according to the author's name (alphabetically) but sometimes I'm sidetracked when I find a book that I will seriously like to read that is out of the challenge so I take it.

I need to focus and everything. I need advices. I need tome management.

Friends

by SiNgUrL

Having friends or companions are different things for me.

Friends for me are those who know me inside and out and stick with me through any mistakes I have done even though they didn't succeed in making me make the right decisions, they still support me and take me back.

I have friends like those namely:

• Ghenimelle - my only friend in college
• Hazel - bossy one who I love the most
• Noreen - sassy girl who I love, too
• Kristal - I lost her cam during 4th yr HS but still she forgave me
• Maricar - fun outgoing girl who loves a boy too much (her nick is my name)
• Adrian - snob guy and most of the times neglectful but that's what makes him unique
• Kiko - get angry when you redo his mistakes but still forgives you in time
• Madelyn - a friend since highschool who is a good-listener

These guys and gals are my friends, not companions. Sometimes or often, they don't update me with what's happening in their lives but that's because we're far from each other but the sweet part of it is we don't forget one another and when we see each other after months and months we start updating what recent events happen with us.

Companions are someone else. They are the people around me who talk and listen with me sometimes but doesn't really understand the real me. These are only my buddies who I jam with and everything. Friends have a lot deeper connection and relationship with me and sometimes people misunderstand that. I feel uneasy with people who call me their friend even if they're aware that they're just being phony about reality. I'm thankful to be called his/her friend but sometimes it makes me feel depressed because I don't like the feeling of being manipulated.

If you want to call me your friend or someone a friend, be sure you know the person! It takes a lot of time effort to find real friends and I'm very happy I've found mine.

It's early to say that these are the people I love so much that I expect them to stick with me forever but as long as I have them. I'm sure to always feel safe and happy because of them even if they're away.